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When Marriage Goes Awry

Updated: Sep 15, 2022

And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God, 1st Corinthians 6:11.


In their groundbreaking book Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Drs. Joe S. McIlhaney Jr. and Freda McKissic, explain the devastating effects of how promiscuity and sexual abuse in adolescence affect the entire lives of those involved. They demonstrate through statistical evidence that promiscuous girls have a very small chance of keeping a stable marriage.

Because of the intricate way in which the brain is constructed, humans are a mammalian species which releases chemicals in the brain upon the activation of the libido when a woman pairs to the male who has caused that libido to be aroused. Whether a person is an evolutionist or a creationist, the brilliance of that chemical reaction is seen in the instinctive attraction and bonding that a female has for her mate.

McIlhaney and McKissic who are both practicing gynecologists, never mention God in the entire book. They work from science. Yet, the bible believer sees that wisdom of his bible over and over as they publish their findings. They relate how that by nature a female bonds to her mate by chemical reactions in the brain. Whether that mating was done in a honeymoon suite or in the back seat of a car makes no difference. She has bonded.

When that bonding breaks through death, divorce, or in the case of most adolescent sex when the mate grows bored and moves on, the female is overwhelmed with depression. The authors observe that the only depression greater than divorce is from death. A young 15 year old girl whose first sexual partner leaves her, suffers through a depression equal to that of a woman going through divorce. It's how God made her.

Whereas the divorced woman often has a support structure to help her through her catastrophe, the young girl only has other 15 year olds. There is no condom for the brain. More often than not, she will bond again with some other promiscuous young man before she is fully healed. She is unable to bond as deeply because she never healed. After a few such encounters, the authors liken her to a piece of tape that has been used so many times that it can no longer stick to anything. The Apostle Paul called it, without natural affection, Romans 1:31, 2nd Timothy 3:3.

Males suffer their own way. The bonding is just as real but the effects are different. A male bonded to a woman by a sexual encounter will have a protective spirit towards her. He becomes like a bull in a pasture who will charge anyone he suspects of threatening his mate. Like a lion in the wild, he wants to drag home food. All of this is destroyed by modern thinking. He is called sick and possessive.

After a few sexual encounters he is cured of his possessiveness. He can share his woman with anyone. He can walk away even if they cry after him. He can abandon children. He can laugh if she necks with another woman at the bar.

Surprise Mr. Pastor! these are the people who you will find when you seek to carve out a people for Jesus Christ from out of the neighborhoods near you. The same process that causes a woman to bond to her mate in a sexual encounter is what God designed to bond a woman to her children. A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world, John 16:21.

The brain releases chemicals when a child is in the birth canal that cause the woman to bond to her child. The same thing happens during lactation. The authors find that women who wounded their natural ability to bond through promiscuous sexual activity, has also lost their ability to bond with their children. Sit in a doctors office for a half hour or stand in line in Walmart. women don't like their children. They will do anything to get them into daycare, leave them with grandma, or glue them to some electronic device.

When most of these people come into your church (if you have any clue of how to do that), they have already ruined any chance of having one husband or wife for the rest of their lives. When a woman comes into your church with children by multiple men and is pregnant by her current live-in, and her husband to whom she is still legally married has long ago abandoned her and shacked up elsewhere, can your theology handle that?

You say to me, "If she divorces and remarries, she will be in adultery". Wow! what a revelation! She has been in adultery for years now. If her latest husband divorces her, she is in adultery, if she stays as she is she is in adultery, if she marries her current paramour she is in adultery. Is there any hope for taking this person and stabilizing her life so that her unborn child can have a decent home, her children by other men can have stability, and she can sit in the house of God with any honor?

If you have a God, a King James Bible and a compassion for the utterly destroyed people of your land, there is hope. Never mind what your goody-two-shoes fundamentalist buddies think. Fanny Crosby had better sense about such people than the average fundamentalist. "Deep in the human heart, touched by the tempter, feeling lied buried that grace can restore". "Strings that are broken can vibrate once more".

We have people in The Black Creek Baptist Church who have suffered deeply from the excesses of our day. Many of them were born with two strikes against them by means of their parentage and circumstances of their upbringing. About the first time they ever got to make their own decisions, they heard the world cry out, "Strike three you're out".

Their children are now being raised in holiness. They are free from the depths of depression. Some have a mate who loves them and is pledged to them for life and understands what that means. They have broken the bondage of drugs and alcohol. We have seen drug and alcohol sotted marriages rescued from destruction. We have seen mates who despised each other fall in love.

I say all of this to say, "I hate divorce", but I don't hate it as much as people who have been through it. I hate what the devil has done to our society. I wish that the idiots in their high towers who vote for such destruction and advocate the tearing down of godly foundations could spend some time with me as I go house to house and hold the wretched hearts of those so bruised and hurting from their disastrous policies.

A preacher who seeks to reach people through their consciences (as might have worked a half century ago), will find that consciences don't work in the 21st century. There is too much damage. God has a fall back plan. These people hurt.


Isaiah 1:4 Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward.

Isaiah 1:5 Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint.

Isaiah 1:6 From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.

Isaiah 1:7 Your country is desolate, your cities are burned with fire: your land, strangers devour it in your presence, and it is desolate, as overthrown by strangers.


The people who you encounter in public hurt. They are like the horse that got loose in the grain bin. Their bowels are in agony but there is no ability or sense to stop eating. You have a bible that can show them how to find healing in the little things in their lives that hurt them so. When you have to counsel a young couple that if the wife would kick her ex-boyfriend out of the house and not allow him to sleep on the couch any more, they might not have the same marital troubles, you begin to understand the depths to which our culture has sunk. Any other generation would have instinctively understood that. Don't expect such common sense today.

My people are not bible believers because they understood the translating process or because I taught them manuscript evidence. They believe a King James Bible because it works like the owners manual written by whoever created them. What they try works. It stops the pain. They crowd into church. They weep at the altar. They play the songs of Zion at home. They dress different. They educate their children differently. They change their forms of entertainment.

There is hope if they have a pastor with any sense who can get over his preconceived ideas.


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